To explicate the why; every decision she makes seems to come with the necessity to justify it to others; that those in her circle were all authorized to know the logic used in her choice. To evaluate, judge, conclude, progress; she was not capable without external involvement. Irresolute of her own capabilities, forlorn in her loneliness, she reeked of desperation. Was it another feeble attempt at validation; to gain the elusive approval; or was she conditioned like a dog, to stay within the confines lest a shock to the neck?
She recalls memories of her younger days where she had no problem forging ahead without explanation. She did not require consent. She reveled in risk, basked in the unknown; could not wait for the consequences, whichever way they fell. It was all met with judgement, condemnation, and the proverbial question of “why”? “Because I wanted to” was never a good answer. So it is clear, the freedom of choice is so easily confiscated by the familial judgement. The “should do” instead of “want to do”. She sits long, carefully extracting the black liquid threads of restraint out of her mind, cautious to leave thoughtfulness (and perhaps safety from mortal danger), intact. She was unaware of the far-reaching fingers of such threads, like tentacles they grabbed hold of all parts of her, wrapping around happiness, confidence, joy, peace. It is a cathartic process, one that provides her with sovereignty, candor, liberation; weightlessness.
To explicate the why; she owes no one. Her circle is entitled to consideration, but they need not be enlightened to her impetus. She is, as should all; free to make the choice that belongs to no other. Free to incur the aftermath, open to deal with the fall out, allowed to ride the ride; permitted the prospect for exploration and growth.
She has to trust. She has to allow. She has to let go. She thrives to be conscious of only the moment in time.
Photo credit: Steve Corey