Life Love

…Map of my Life…

May 13, 2016
“Please don’t retouch my wrinkles, it took me so long to earn them” Anna Magnani

My mother sent a picture of me and my husband that was taken 20 years ago. Oh my god, was it something, we looked so young!!  I looked at it for a long time, and thought where did the time go?  I should have taken better care of myself. No wrinkles, no little layer of extra fat, no dark circles…I had my whole life in front of me.  Then I looked a little closer, no wrinkles, no little layer of extra fat, no dark circles…I hadn’t lived it yet.  I remembered that young woman of 27 and all that she was, and then thought about all that she wasn’t.  She hadn’t lived through money struggles or health struggles or learned the hard way how to operate a business. She hadn’t learned to let go and just be and allow. She wasn’t a mom.  She had not truly loved without fear.  Sure, when you are young you think you are invincible and you love and live with reckless abandon.  But for me, to truly love without fear took a long time, and frankly it still takes practice.  I have more to offer my family at this stage in my life than I did then.  Do I need the exercise to keep up with my daughter?  I do.  Do I want to age gracefully and look beautiful?  I do.  Do I want to look like I did 20 years ago?  No, I don’t.  That would erase the map of my life.  I looked at another picture taken of me and my daughter, there were the lines, there were some age spots and there were the extra 10 pounds and soft edges.  Best of all there was someone who was trying her best to love without fear, trust without question, want without restriction, and desire without inhibition. There I was, and I liked the looks of her a whole lot better.

Face

 

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6 Comments

  • Reply Kim May 19, 2016 at 12:38 pm

    I think back through my life (I’m 59) and there are ups and downs that I would never change. They all shaped me to where I am now, though the shaping continues every day. If blogs hadn’t been invented, I wouldn’t get the joy that I do now. I wouldn’t get to “meet” others around the world and live life along with them. This was a great post — and it gave me food for thought. Cheers from Brisbane, Australia.

    • Reply K. K. May 19, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      Yes, all roads lead to the one your on…had my only child at age 42 and my husband was 52, so what a surprise change for us, all for the better, but life is funny how it chooses to evolve. I also enjoy the blogging community and “meeting” new people, it has been very fulfilling…thanks for the comment and Aloha from Kauai!!

  • Reply badfish May 13, 2016 at 5:23 pm

    Well, life is life, and it is what it is…looks like you’ve accepted that gracefully

    • Reply K. K. May 13, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      You can never go back…so best to keep moving forward with a big ass grin full of wrinkles that were the result of a lot of mistakes that were actually a lot of fun! Ha!

  • Reply susurrus May 13, 2016 at 2:20 pm

    That’s a beautiful picture and wise words.

    • Reply K. K. May 13, 2016 at 3:59 pm

      Thank you! Thanks for visiting!

    Would love to hear what you think!!!

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