She was in disbelief, could her decision, a decision that affects only herself, really deem her unworthy to others? At the ripe old age of 17, she is ruined forever? She had trusted her elder, was honest and asking for help and advice, only to be told she would be unfit for anyone now. “No one else will want you.” Stunned, she rebutted, but the damage had been done, the judgement felt, the expectation set. She let six words take away her power; her essence. Deep down she knew they were wrong, that she was good and different; an anomaly. But the force of words, from those she trusted and loved more than anything, did irreparable harm. She did not deserve to be anything more than what they thought she was. She did not disappoint.
Time moved, the internal battle raged, anger festered, the six words faded to oblivion. She had overcome many of her struggles of self-worth, judgement; discovering her intellect. Yet she held on to anger, never could step out into the light; could not trust her beautiful self. She stayed in a safe place where fault would elude her, praise would pass over her; credit went elsewhere.
Six words fill her mind, a memory flooding back in a huge wave; gut wrenching pain. All the years of combat over her anger, her self-worth, her trust, a result of six words that were spoken to her. Before and after were as a clear as a line drawn in the sand; after hearing the words her psyche had changed as quickly as turning out a light. Now…heartbreak over what she could have been, should have been; wasn’t. Anger; anger that she was infected with such a plague before autonomous enough to be immune to it. Relief. It was never her fault, she is good and different; an anomaly. Exhaustion, she can finally lay the sword down, flip the switch and walk away.
She has to trust, she has to allow, she has to let go. She thrives to be conscious of only the moment in time.
Photo credit Jeffrey